Paying Attention

Recently I have noticed that two things are out of whack for me. My bank account and my calorie count. The looser I am with my money and spending for some reason the tighter my pants have become. Last time I checked, I wasn’t hiding money in my pockets or along my waistline.So what is happening here?A deeper review of my accounts, out of the last 246 transactions on my bank account, 101 of them were for food, most of them eating out or getting a cup of coffee or a drink somewhere. Reflecting back on these transactions I remember exactly what I told myself, “oh a few dollars here won’t matter, and the infamous, “I’ll work off the calories later.” These are all statements used to nurture myself fora hard day, a bad date, PMS or any other time I just don’t want to bother with what I am doing to myself.Two years ago I divorced my husband, reasons 1) always poor and him never contributing financially, (always in between jobs and spending money at McDonalds and the Cigar store). 2) All the extra weight we both had, he was at 400 lbs and I was at 310, I viewed it as not valuing me, or himself. Since then I have moved to Seattle, gotten anew job with a higher salary and lost close to 100 lbs. But I see that my old habits are coming back and I am getting scared.As a child I was continually called the absent minded professor. This was my mom’s hope of my continuing on to be a Psychotherapist with a little sense of humor added. I am continually asking “where are my keys?” and “What did I do with…”, but I don’t ask, where did thattwenty go or where did I get these calories from. Half of the time Idon’t even want to bother with getting a receipt, just added mess to my purse, car or wallet. But I am realizing where I don’t pay attention; I am starting to pay in other ways. As of right now, I am thinking paying attention is a lot less money and weight to my overall health.